Thoughts From The Past Thursday: Relationships Are Powerful

In case you didn’t notice, it is valentines day.  Here is a post about relationship that isn’t focused on romance…thought you might need a break from all that.  This post was originally posted on October 22nd, 2011.

This past week I had to learn a very valuable lesson…again.  There is great power in a face to face conversation.

Last week I had face to face meetings with two guys I serve along side of in our youth ministry.  Both of these guys are great youth workers and have been on our team for several years.  And both of these guys have not been around much in recent weeks.  After a bit of frustration with communication attempts being unanswered I decided I needed to sit down with them face to face and talk.  No more emails, no more texts, no Facebook messages, just good old fashioned conversation.

In both situations, it was the best thing that could have happened.  Through both meetings I learned a few very important lessons.

1. I put way too much trust in technology

During both conversations, we realized there has been communication that had not connected.  Emails and texts that I had sent that for whatever reason had never been received.  I was frustrated they never answered, they were frustrated I hadn’t communicated with them.  In the age of mass texting, reply all emails, and many many more ways we have come up with to virtually communicate with people it is easy to think we are over communicating.  Once I hit “send”, my assumption is communication has happened.  Obviously that is not a valid assumption.

2. Relationship is more than words

Yes, a lot can be accomplished through email, texting, social networking, and the like.  I feel like I have relationships with many youth workers all over the country that I have never met in person, but it will be completely different when I talk with them face to face at SYMC this year.  The same words I exchanged with both of these guys this past week could have been typed and viewed on a screen, but they would have most likely made things worse than better.  They needed to SEE that I cared about them by showing up, by the emotion in my voice, by my body language as they heard the words I said.  I needed to SEE the same things from them as they talked.  There is incredible power in relationship, especially when that relationship is not just on a screen or through someone else.

I have said many times that social networking is “fake fellowship”.  Yes it can be good and can connect people that would otherwise not be connected, but I struggle to say it is real relationship.  Whether you are leading a team of volunteers, or just interacting with friends and family, don’t trade face to face time for screen time.  I have learned once again it is not the same.  Who do you need to call or meet with?

Welcome to REAL Youth Ministry!

The other day I uttered these words to one of my newer volunteer youth staff members “welcome to real youth ministry.”  Let me fill you in on the back story…

He really is not a new leader, he has been loosely involved for several years.  But he, like a lot of volunteers, struggled with if he could be affective as a leader, would the students like him, what exactly the right role for him was, and other similar and very common concerns.  These are questions that I believe every youth worker struggles with, from full time paid to a few times a year volunteer and everyone in between.

This past year he started serving as one of the core adults with our youth music team.  This has definitely been the right fit for him and I have enjoyed immensely watching his enthusiasm and effectiveness as a leader blossom and grow.

He called me the day after band practice and described a conversation he and a female student had after practice; after several weeks of passing questions like “what’s wrong”, and “is everything ok” she finally opened up and shared the truth with him.  He was able to give her Godly advice, encourage her, pray for her, and she left feeling better.

He then shared with me how his heart just broke as she described her broken family and hard home life, among other struggles she was facing that a 16 year old girl should never have to deal with.  He also shared how he kind of wished he could just adopt her and give his daughters an older sister so she could experience the love and comfort a family should provide, but he knows that is just simply not possible.

After hearing his experience, my response was “welcome to real youth ministry.”  I shared how every youth worker feels exactly the way he does right now with a lot of students we pour our lives and God’s love into.  I went on to coach him with this advice:

1. Remember our boundaries

I was extremely proud because he had handled everything exactly the right way.  We have boundaries set up in our ministry regarding opposite sex interaction between leaders and students, and I thanked him for doing it right.

2. Your own family needs to always come first

I gave him a gentle reminder that his own family (especially his own daughters) need to always come before helping youth students.  He is very good at this as well, but I also know how dominating “needy students” can be.  We also talked about how to keep directing her back to our entire team of leaders to find the help and support she needs, which will protect him and her in the long run.

3. You have just passed a major mile stone as a youth worker

When this leader voiced his concerns about stepping up his commitment I told him that if he was faithful to what God was asking of him, God would show him those worries were not valid.  Know he knows those worries were not valid, because he sees every week how God is using him through his service.

He ended our conversation by sharing with me how cool this year has been since he has stepped up his commitment and how it is amazing to see God work through something he is doing.

One of the things that really held him back in the beginning was comparing himself to some of our veteran youth staff members and thinking he couldn’t live up to what they were doing.  Once he got over the comparison hurdle and fulfilled his unique role he has become an amazing leader and I am excited to watch him continue to grow.

Who do you know or work with that needs to work through these same issues and concerns?  Maybe it’s you.  No matter what, keep pressing on with what God has called you to do in youth ministry, and you too will be amazed at what God can accomplish through you!

Relationships Are Powerful

This past week I had to learn a very valuable lesson…again.  There is great power in a face to face conversation.

Last week I had face to face meetings with two guys I serve along side of in our youth ministry.  Both of these guys are great youth workers and have been on our team for several years.  And both of these guys have not been around much in recent weeks.  After a bit of frustration with communication attempts being unanswered I decided I needed to sit down with them face to face and talk.  No more emails, no more texts, no Facebook messages, just good old fashioned conversation.

In both situations, it was the best thing that could have happened.  Through both meetings I learned a few very important lessons.

1. I put way too much trust in technology

During both conversations, we realized there has been communication that had not connected.  Emails and texts that I had sent that for whatever reason had never been received.  I was frustrated they never answered, they were frustrated I hadn’t communicated with them.  In the age of mass texting, reply all emails, and many many more ways we have come up with to virtually communicate with people it is easy to think we are over communicating.  Once I hit “send”, my assumption is communication has happened.  Obviously that is not a valid assumption.

2. Relationship is more than words

Yes, a lot can be accomplished through email, texting, social networking, and the like.  I feel like I have relationships with many youth workers all over the country that I have never met in person, but it will be completely different when I talk with them face to face at SYMC this year.  The same words I exchanged with both of these guys this past week could have been typed and viewed on a screen, but they would have most likely made things worse than better.  They needed to SEE that I cared about them by showing up, by the emotion in my voice, by my body language as they heard the words I said.  I needed to SEE the same things from them as they talked.  There is incredible power in relationship, especially when that relationship is not just on a screen or through someone else.

I have said many times that social networking is “fake fellowship”.  Yes it can be good and can connect people that would otherwise not be connected, but I struggle to say it is real relationship.  Whether you are leading a team of volunteers, or just interacting with friends and family, don’t trade face to face time for screen time.  I have learned once again it is not the same.  Who do you need to call or meet with?